How to learn from a break-up?

Breakups are a learning opportunity. If you take the time to examine the reasons for your breakup, then you may be able to avoid letting history repeat itself in your dating life. There are two sides to every coin – personal growth can be the flip side to your sadness over the loss of a relationship. What was the cause of your breakup?

If you cheated on your mate, then you might be feeling very guilty and untrustworthy. You can learn from this experience that you have to work on being more honest. If you cheated, you probably were not happy in the relationship to begin with. However, you did the wrong thing by being unfaithful rather than honest. You should have ended the relationship, not strayed from it. Next time you are in a relationship, make sure that you really want to be there. It is not fair to the person that you are with for you to be unfaithful. If anyone has ever cheated on you, you know how painful it feels. Rather than dwelling on your indiscretion, forgive yourself, and move forward with the conviction that you will not do it again.


If your mate was cheating on you, and that was the cause of your breakup, there’s still an opportunity for personal growth. Understandably, you feel very hurt and betrayed. However, this is your chance to be strong and independent. You can get through this, and when you do, you will feel incredibly empowered and proud of yourself for your strength. Breaking up with your unfaithful significant other was the right move; you stood up for yourself, and you made it clear that you were not someone who is to be taken advantage of.

If your relationship ended because you wanted to take your relationship to the next level, and your mate did not want to get too serious, then you will learn to pair yourself up with a person who has similar goals for the future. Get in a relationship with someone who is looking to settle down, if that is what you are looking to do. If you were the one who did not want to get too serious, then you should be looking for someone who is also looking for a casual relationship. Leading people on is not right, and it can only lead to hurt feelings. Be honest with yourself and with the people that you date in the future.

Perhaps your mate broke up with you because you could not control your anger. You yelled too much, and you were constantly putting your significant other down. If you were not treating your mate right, then they were right to leave. You have to learn to control yourself and to express your feelings in a healthier way. This is your opportunity to change your poor behavior so that your future relationships will not suffer in the same way. You’re not a bad person; you just made some bad choices. If you have severe anger management problems, you should seek professional help.

If you’re on the other end of the abusive relationship, then you have to learn not to allow yourself to be taken advantage of and used as a human punching bag. You deserve to be treated with care and respect, and you should accept nothing less in your future relationships. Do not compromise your happiness for someone who is not treating you properly. If you have low self esteem, you have to work on feeling better about yourself before you will be ready to share your life with another person again.

If the relationship ended because you simply did not feel that it had a future, then you have to ask yourself why it is that you did not see a future between the two of you. Do you have unrealistic expectations? Or is it simply that the two of you do not want the same things out of life, or that you have grown apart over the course of your relationship? If you have established a pattern off breaking off relationships when they become too serious, then you need to determine whether not that is just a fear of commitment on your half. On the other hand, if you truly believe that your ex’s goals were too different from your own for your relationship’s future to thrive, then you should be proud of yourself for doing the right thing. If there is no future, then you should not be wasting your time, and breaking up with your mate will give you the opportunity to seek out someone whose goals are similar to your own. It is natural to feel sadness and loss after you break up with someone that you have had a romantic relationship with, but in order to get over it, you have to look for the silver lining.

Getting Hurt and Moving on

After Falling inlove, what's next? I would like to continue the blog on the other side of falling inlove.

Being inlove is not constant, it doesn’t mean you’ll feel the same thing all through out the relationship and ended up happily ever after, that’s the time I realized Fairy tales are just like dreams, it is just stories for kids read by parents so that they could sleep better and not hunted by “monster on closets” thinking before bed.

Everyone has their reasons why their relationship doesn’t end like fairy tales. Some fall out of love, that partner’s give no reasons why. Can you really believe that?! I don’t think that’s proper everything has reasons, some guys would just say that stupid line coz they don’t want others blame and seize him why he hurt the girl, its just some stupid excuses coz they cant really tell us that they fallen inlove with someone else. Some are just so unlucky, that their boyfriend was snatched up by his ex because she claims that she is pregnant by him. Some would just break it down because of different complicated things. Whatever the reasons would be, the thing here is how you can get over the pain of break up and how to move on with your life.

How will you know if your in pain? Don’t deny it I know you are! Especially after the break up. The feeling of heart breaking in tiny pieces. That you cant breathe and start feeling dizzy and wanted to faint. You wanted to scream or just punch whoever is beside you. The anger added to depression. You are shaking…looking weird…acting weird…

Some called it the “hurting stage”. It’s your heart’s way telling you that you have just experienced the worse kind of hurt there is. I cried, what can I do? I am so depressed and I have no idea how am I going to live without him. I deleted all the saved messages from him in my mobile phone, and his phone number, though I already memorized it, texting him with blank messages and miscalled him without any reason, I look like Im becoming a psycho. Logging in lots of times in a forum where we both are members, too see if he is online, trying to reach him in yahoo messenger too, even changing my status message in lines like “emo’mode”, “sad to death”, “brokenhearted”, to let him know this has hurt me beyond repair. I either eat tremendous amounts of ice creams and cakes or I don’t eat anything at all. I cried on friend’s shoulder or even over the phone and hoping they can get me out of this mess. Because I am, essentially, gone and a hopeless mess.

Ok. Im in pain, super brokenhearted. What did I do? Owyeaahh…Now youre asking.. The crying was over, I end it up, not just because my eyes are like Nemo’s already but there is really no tears falling anymore. I get to hang out with friends and hangout with beers every night after work. Or just sipping tequila alone. Remarkably, my heart begins to heal, my hurt turns to anger. I vowed Im going to make his life a living hell as long as he live. There starts me being so rebellious as defined by one of my friend. I start dating again, with whomever in my phonebook and messenger list. I even get laid to some of them. But then, those are just rebounds, still my feelings remain unchanged. Though Im seeing lots of guys, some are even better, I can’t still accept the fact that its HIM I wanted to be with, that I still think of him and loving him…
I wake up one morning asking myself what I saw in this guy in the first place. Its time for me to accept what really had happened and be kind to myself. It took me months before I reached this “acceptance” stage. Its quite hard though I must move on and get a life. I wanted to get rid him and erase him in my memories, but that’s quite hard, for the fact that he is really a good guy. He still talks to me and care for me. Why not make a better way to improve our relationship, as friends….as bestfriends.

And now after 5 months I am very happy on being his bestfriend. It helps to remember that there will always be a tomorrow that second chance to find special person who is meant to share his life with me. Ive gone through crying, healing and chalking it all out experience. And Im glad I did. It made me a better person. A stronger one.

“Never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten”

Falling inlove

When we are in love, the person we love cannot be compared with or replaced by anybody else. S/he is unique, the only living being capable of giving us joy. No one else we meet, not even our favourite film star, would satisfy us. If our beloved is not there, the world turns arid and empty.

A person in love, toying with a daisy and playing at “S/he loves me, s/he loves me not”, knows that nothing will be strong enough to uproot their love. Yet at the same time the fear exists that the loved one may be seduced and carried away by someone else. For this reason the lover keeps on asking: “Do you love me?”, and never tires of hearing the same reply: “Yes, I do”. This is the one and only landmark in the lover’s world. The whole universe has changed its pivot and now revolves exclusively around the loved one. This love is a precondition for any other desire, any other activity.A person in love is in an extraordinary condition, living on a high, in a state of ecstasy. Plato considered falling in love a delirium inspired by the gods, a divine madness, like artistic inspiration and the gift of prophecy. A person in love sees everything transfigured - nature, the air, rivers, lights, colours are all brighter and more intense. Lovers feel drawn by a cosmic force towards their goal and destiny, and the contradictions of everyday life lose meaning. They feel like slaves or prisoners, yet happy and free at the same time. They suffer and are tormented, but would never want to stop loving.

Falling in love acts on psyches like heat on metals. It makes them fluid and incandescent so they can mix and flow into each other and take on new shapes which then solidify. Love makes people malleable, it moulds them, modifies them and welds them together. In this way it produces strong bonds that can withstand trauma, conflicts and disappointments.

We can fight against love, reject it and make every effort to stay away from the people we love in an attempt to forget them. We can deem them bad, wicked and cruel, and we can even hate them. We can see love as an illness and torment ourselves with doubt and jealousy. Yet love ticks on just the same. It takes us over and masters us. It is something that goes against our better judgment or succeeds in swaying it. Even when we are treated badly by our loved ones, we are always ready to find excuses. We think that, if we were able to touch certain strings in their hearts, changes would take place. When we are in love we are convinced we know our loved ones better than they know themselves. And we think that they could not fail to love us back if they really knew themselves.

Even if falling in love is a short-lived experience, it makes us think we will be in love forever, come what may. It brings the words of the marriage vows spontaneously to our lips: “I take you... for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part”.

Falling in love makes us love our loved ones for what they are, so that even defects, failings or illnesses are bearable. When we fall in love, it is like opening our eyes. We see a wonderful world and our beloved appears to us as marvellous. Every being is perfect, unique, unmistakable. So we are grateful to our loved ones for existing, because their existence enriches not only us but the whole world. Propertius writes: “Tu mihi sola domus, tu Cynthia solo parentes omnia tu nostrae tempora laetitia”. He does not merely say “I like you and desire you”, but “You alone are my home, you alone my parents, you are my every moment of happiness”.

It is in this way that a mother sees her child and a child its mother. Yet the bond of falling in love is formed suddenly between two people who have never met before. Falling in love makes two strangers feel a strong affinity, a common essence which goes beyond their conscious selves. For this they can say: “I am you and you are me”. In Plato’s Symposium, Aristophanes explains this kind of experience and says that human beings were once an indivisible unity which Zeus tore apart, and they have been searching for their other half ever since.

Nevertheless, in contrast to a blood bond that “exists” and is “taken for granted”, this kind of bond needs to be worked on and strengthened. Lovers feel the fulfilment of their love as a sacred duty, like a summons to the service of their country or their faith. A person in love feels duty bound to make a commitment, establish a pact and take a vow. Love is therefore not only pleasure, desire, feeling and passion, but also commitment, vow and promise. Lovers are not only obliged to think “forever” but also to commit themselves “forever”. Love is a project for building something that is meant to last in time.